Blast of Iman

I feel like I am at a crossroad, among one of the crossroads of my life. A decision has to be made. A very eminent one. One that will affect most importantly my Iman and after that, the lives of those I love most. It will definitely affect my life, but I think I can bear with that. I might have to suffer for awhile to adjust to the changes I will go through but to think of the misery that I will bring to the people I love... THAT I don't think I can endure.

But... to be stuck HERE is not an option. 

Have you ever felt lost like you can't be saved any more? Despair is a very very very cruel emotion. It can make you feel like you are stuck in the deepest of the deepest ocean. No one will want to save you because trying will only mean risking their life. You feel like giving up, to give out your last breath and surrender to the darkness of the sea and ultimately the blackness of death.

Ever so suddenly a rush of air was blasted into your lungs. You will gulp that precious whirl of air greedily, ferociously, savagely... because your very life depends on it.

What if it was your Faith that is in that deep dark sea of sins and ignorance? And that blast of air was a blast of Hidayah to your soul that will  increase your Iman and save you from the blackness of hell fire?

I think it is time I force myself to take that gulp. It feels like this will be my last chance to rise up to the surface and beyond... and even if it isn't my last, I don't think I want to risk putting my Faith on  the edge again...

Bismillahi tawakkaltu a'lallah!

I am strong only because Allah put me right here, right now. He knows I am strong enough for whatever He puts me through.

The power of repentance

Subhanallah!

Chasing stars

Building myself up! 

Alhamdulillah.

^_^

It feels like Deja Vu

Sometimes I just wish I could turn back time and erase every mistake I did, every hurtful word I have said, every bad choice I have made.

I keep telling myself that I am strong.

But everyone wants to feel like someone cares.

And everyone wants to know they're not alone.

Real life doctor

This entry will be alternating between Malay, English and Manglish. Kalau rasa tak suka baca bahasa campur aduk dalam satu entry, sila jangan proceed ye.

It has been more than 5 months. 5 months of life revolving around me but me having no life. It you get what I mean. 

Saya wonder, bila orang awam (ie mereka yang pekerjaannya tak terlibat dalam bidang perubatan seperti nurse, dietician, pharmacist, even cleaner dekat hospital) tengok doktor, apa yang mereka fikirkan? Gah, glamour, gaji besar, hidup senang? 

The reality is, we work like slaves. And if we don't have family members (thank you husband, family and in-laws!) who understand the hecticness of our job, the tiredness at the end of the day, the feeling of wanting to quit and do something else but still persisting because responsible adults don't quit half way - I don't think I could have even completed even a month of housemanship.