Isi hati?

Saya kira terlalu banyak kelemahan dan sisa-sisa jahiliyyah yang masih ada dalam diri ini. Terasa tidak layak dipilih Tuhan berada di jalan ini. Tapi hidup ini satu perjuangan dan kebenaran harus sentiasa diperjuangkan.

Kadang-kadang saya rasa kelebihan yang Allah bagi pada saya itu satu rahmat agar dapat digunakan bagi menyebarkan yang haq. Mungkin benar. Tapi pada masa yang sama saya lupa betapa syaitan itu sentiasa berusaha untuk mencucukkan jarumnya mengajak manusia ke jalan yang batil dengan apa cara sekali pun. Dia telah membisikkan ke dalam hati saya rasa riak dan takabbur dengan kelebihan yang ada, lalu saya tersungkur di tengah jalan.

Maka, saat ini saya harus bertanya pada hati sendiri... kamu hidup untuk apa dan untuk siapa? Betulkan niat. Ingat hari yang telah dijanjikan keadilan bagi setiap yang pernah bernyawa dan bergelar insan.

Kamu! Sampai bila mahu memberi alasan?

Read

How many words she’s read before,
she’s consumed two thousand books or more.
Musty pulp and glue soundproof her tiny room.
She cannot understand why this book in her hand
fascinates her now so much that she’s almost shy to touch.
“Don’t think about the words it’s just a book - paper and ink”
She reaffirms, remind herself, “a book can’t dictate what to think.”
It invites, intrigues her more than others on her shelf
“Is it just another book?” - she sits questioning herself.

Oh Allah, she’s so afraid to read,
the wisdom that’s revealed may burrow in her mind
She’ll be obliged to admit,
She’ll be obliged to submit
But will she be strong enough to live the truth she finds?
Oh Allah, she’s so afraid to read.
The hall light is always on every night that he is gone.
He hears his mother toss in bed when he slips in at dawn.
In the book case by the stair, he can see it sitting there
like a waiting watchful wise-man scolding him with care.
In the morning will they fight about him being out all night?
Will he resent their gift of love and not admit that they are right?
All he wants is to fit in some place, but must he compromise his faith?
He can’t look himself or his parents in the face.
He takes the book upstairs unread and sets it closed next to his head
then counts the prayers he’s missed and lays so hopelessly in bed.

Oh Allah, he’s so afraid to read,
the wisdom that’s revealed may burrow in his mind
He’ll be obliged to admit,
He’ll be obliged to submit
But will he be strong enough to live the truth he finds?
Oh Allah, he’s so afraid to read.

I sent an email to my loved one, just the other day
It’s sad communication has evolved this way.
We use so many words but have so little to relay
as angels scribble down every letter that we say.
All the viral attachments sent and passionate insults we vent
It’s easy to be arrogant behind user passwords we invent.
But on the day the scrolls are laid, with every word and deed displayed,
when we read our accounts, I know, for one, I’ll be afraid.

That day I’ll be so afraid to read,
every harsh word that I’ve spoken - and every time I have lied.
I’ll be obliged to admit,
I’ll be obliged to submit
Will I have strength owning up to each deed I’ve tried to hide?
Oh Allah, I’m so afraid to read.

In Sincere supplication

"Aliff laam min. Adakah manusia menyangka bahawa mereka akan dibiarkan mengatakan kami telah beriman sedangkan mereka tidak diuji. Sesungguhnya kami telah menguji orang-orang sebelum mereka. Lantaran itu Allah mesti mengetahui orang-orang yg benar dan orang-orang yang berdusta." (Al-Ankabut:1-3)

Jalan dakwah tidak ditaburi dengan bunga-bunga , tetapi merupakan satu jalan yang susah dan panjang. Kerana sesungguhnya antara haq dengan yang batil ada pertentangan yang nyata. Ia memerlukan kesabaran dan ketekunan memikul bebanan yang berat.

Ia memerlukan kemurahan hati, pemberian dan pengorbanan tanpa mengharapkan hasil yang segera tanpa putus asa dan putus harapan. Yang diperlukan ialah usaha dan kerja yang berterusan dan hasilnya terserah kepada Allah di waktu yang dikehendakinya.

I have found the answer to the haze that has been clouding my mind for the past one week or so. Right now, I am looking for the courage to live the truth that I find. And that, I should have expected, is harder than finding the answer in the first place. Bimbinglah aku wahai Maha Pemberi Petunjuk. Because You of all know that strength and guidance is everything I need right now.
...praying hard...

A great civilization

My lecturer, Dr Feisel said the other day "The value of a great civilization is seen in the way it treats the disadvantage".

We say we are a Muslim country. We think we are governed by an Islamic administration. We pride ourselves as observant Muslims, or so we say.

So why are we so blatantly blinded by the tall buildings we hoist, the big houses we live in, the huge cars we drive, the smooth highways we structure? What is so great about sending one man into space while thousands scrounge for food like mad men on earth? Why do we applaud our education system that we say have produced thousands with scrolls but then we now realize lacked empathy? Why are we so uncomfortable about sharing our wealth with those who we say are not the same creed as we are?

This land, is this our land or the land God only lent to us for just a little while still?

We seem to look too much at the vast empty sky until we forget the ones who find sanctuary beneath the blue heavens on the earth. We dream big, but failed to pinpoint out destination. We boast ourselves for the things that were achieved by the sweat of our grandparents but never have we tried to put ourselves in their place.

And now, we seem to annihilate the one thing that makes us all human, that makes us all special. Our heart. Our ability to love, care and put others before us. Regardless of colors, creeds or beliefs.

For behold and look back into history: all the great civilizations that the true Islam has brought up was that based on justice, kindness and compassion to all.

"A religious man is a person who holds God and man in one thought at one time, at all times, who suffers harm done to others, whose greatest passion is compassion, whose greatest strength is love and defiance of despair."

For my youngest sis

My youngest sister Atiqah read the birthday entry I wrote for Kak If (the one after me). Her exact words were "Touching gile", with a tinge of jealousy noted. And then I asked her, "Tiqah jelous ke?". And then she instantly said "Haah, Tiqah jelous", but with a smile on her face. Nak cover kut. Hehehe.

So, to my other little sister, whether you're actually jealous or not, this entry is especially written for you.

I love you too you know! ;)

A birthday present for you!

Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to tell someone you love them because, well, just because. I often notice that people tend to disregard those that they love the most. It's not because you don't appreciate them, it's just that sometimes it's the easiest thing to do.

This girl is the most unique person I've ever met.

She used to be an epileptic infant. I remembered having to go countless of times to the pediatric institute in Hospital Kuala Lumpur (coincidently where I'm currently doing my pediatric posting!). How there was always this worried look in my parents face, how their voices were always hushed when talking about their helpless little baby. I remembered moments where the aura of panic my parents conveyed when she was having her fitting episodes troubled me. Although I didn't really understood what was happening, I knew something was not right. Thank you Allah, for allowing her to survive that.

She was only one and a half years old when we received another one in the family. An age where she was still trying to find her footing in the family and in this world, an age where she still needed all the attention and love she can get from those who provided for her. But she had to forgo all that, because what was supposed to be her limelight was stolen by her own little brother. She could have complained (although she might not know how yet at that time), she could have thrown tantrums, she could have cried and cried. But people always said she was an angel even at a young age. Even when she was shipped to our grandparents', she never upsets anyone there. My late grandfather loved her very much. Thank you Allah, for giving her the chance to be loved by those around her.

Even when she was very little, she radiated a uniqueness that was her very own. I remembered her having conversations with a 'special' friend, someone conjured up by her creative imagination. Perhaps it was due to the lack of attention that she received but that friend made her life happy and joyful, and that was enough for her. She also loved to draw (I wonder what happened to this talent of hers?) loved to read colorful books.

Oh oh, there was this one time (when she was 3 or 4 years old) where she wore my mothers' heels and took a water bottle that my mum used to bring to school (mum was a teacher back then) , and while everyone was busy buzzing away with daily chores, she stepped out of the house and walked into the streets with a determination that could steel the heart of even a champion. When we noticed her missing, the whole house went berserk. We ran out of the house and there at the middle of the road about a mile away we saw a tiny little creature standing with a huge car that stopped smack right in front of her. She looked like she was about to cry. My mum hugged her and everything was alright again. But for that, she should have been given a medal for her outrageous bravery.

Throughout her teenage years, some people may misunderstood her calm for being quiet, her patience not to fight for being a coward, her ability to contain her anger for being timid. How very wrong they were.

Throughout her transition into college life, some people might have pushed her to do things she did not like but never once did she faltered, some people might not understand the choices she made but she ignored them, some people even tried to impose their opinion on her but she gracefully told them that this life is her life and her life is her turf. She was going to decide for her own how she wanted her future to be. And for that, I pray that Allah will give her contentment for the life she chose to lead.

There is so many beautiful tales to tell that I do not know which to choose from. Because now that little girl have grown into a responsible, lively, courageous, wise, thoughtful and exclusive you woman, unparalleled by no one her age. For this girl is my girl, my trusted adviser, my secret keeper, my precious sister. We are bonded by a bond of unconditional love.

Thus because of that and above all else, I put my thanks and gratitude to the Creator of Love, the Creator of Siblings, the Creator of all things beautiful, Allah the Almighty.

May He guide you, little sister, to a path that will bring you the ultimate happiness and contentment. May He shines His blessings on you. And may He allow us with all His Mercy after our time in this world ends, to meet again in paradise, insyaAllah.

Because of Him, I give you my love.

Happy Birthday, Kak If!

Meraih Cinta Allah

Faith

Iman itu tidak dapat dibeli dengan harga apa sekali pun.

Terima kasih Allah. Hari ini aku merasai sapaan hidayah yang amat manis.

Alhamdulillah.

=)

Financial independence

I am reading Rich Dad, Poor Dad and it is truly an eye-opener.

Go buy (or borrow) one, right now!

I'm falling and there is no one there to catch me.

Do you know that feeling? The feeling when you feel like you're sitting on a chair and the world swirls around you in a beat of frenzy? The uneasy feeling at the pit of your stomach, the rapid drumming of your heart, the pressure at the back of your head.

And you start questioning yourself about the choices you've made.

And then after a while you start blaming others of every misgivings.

And just when you feel like giving up, another hoard of obstacles are thrown your way.

Is God trying to tell me something?