Meaning.

I was reading about activation of complement system following deposition of immune complexes at the glomerular capillaries in my new "Pengantin/Bride's" room, when my dad knocked the door and popped his head inside. I bet I look a mess, with books strewn all over the floor, trying to get a comprehensive understanding of a topic I already know on the basis. Hehe.

Dad: "Doesn't it feel awkward?"
Me: "Why? Awkard what?"
Dad: "Well, you know, studying and this."
Me: "This what?" I already figured out what he meant but I was trying to play dumb. Naughty me.
Dad: "Studying and.." smiling while looking around the room.
Me: "You mean getting married while studying? Studying and getting married?"
Dad: "Uhuh.."
Me: "No. It's not awkward. You did it."
Dad: "NO I DIDN'T!!" Haha, abah risau lah tu orang tuduh dia! =P
Me: "Yes, you did. You did it while you were studying for your Masters and phD."
Dad: "Itu lain lah. *mumbling something uncomprehensible*" Closed the door and when to do his stuff while still mumbling uncomprehensible disagreements.

Do I wish that things happened the way I wanted them to? Heck, yes. But can I change what has happened? Well, I can learn from my mistakes but in the end I have to hold strong, steadfast to the believe that whatever that has happened has been destined by my Creator to be the best for me... and my faith ultimately. And no, I can't change a thing.

Thus, I also have to believe that I am the one responsible to derive meaning out of my own life. That I make my own happiness out of whatever Allah has provided me with, be it easy or hard. That what people think of me is important so that I can improve myself from criticism but it is my choice to feel positive or negative about it. That the usual, comfortable, normal, 'successful' path is what everyone dream of but the road not taken (sometimes you choose to take it, sometimes you accidently stumble upon it, and sometimes like in my case you are thrown without warning into it) can present you with so many delightful surprises and probably a lost too to those who took the usual path.

Some might take pity of me, some might worry about me (my parents fall into this category), some might even say I deserved it. But those who truly understand the meaning of life, of its' ups and down, would be profoundly and sincerely happy for me.

I am not jubilant for the sins that I have commited in the past, but I feel blessed and truly content for the life that Allah has written for me. And with that contentment, comes a readiness to be tested by Allah, insyaAllah. For when it comes down to it, what I'm really aiming for is not happiness in this world but in Paradise! Therein lies the best.

[29:2] Do the people think that they will be left to say, "We believe," without being put to the test?

[29:3] We have tested those before them, for God must distinguish those who are truthful, and He must expose the liars.

[29:4] Do those who commit sins think that they can ever fool us? Wrong indeed is their judgment.

[29:5] Anyone hoping to meet God, (should know that) such a meeting with God will most assuredly come to pass. He is the Hearer, the Omniscient.

[29:6] Those who strive, strive for their own good. God is in no need of anyone.

[29:7] Those who believe and lead a righteous life, We will certainly remit their sins, and will certainly reward them generously for their righteous works.

Muntalaq. Langkah baru bermula.. SEKARANG.
No more excuses!