And your heart will finally know peace

Since the moment I received what most Muslims would call hidayah or the calling to the true path, I have always wanted to share what it felt yet but I could never bring myself to actually write down my feelings. It might also be due to the fact that although I am thankful to Allah for showing me this beautiful path and for showering on me His Divine Love, I am still embarrassed by the stark reality that when I claim that I am trying to be a true Muslim -- I still lack so much in my attitude, my patience, the way I treat people, the way I treat my friends and family members and the foolish things I still do even though I know I shouldn't be doing it.

So, I've been reading this book written by Jeffrey Lang who is an American who reverted to Islam in his twenties after being an atheist for many years. He really touched my heart with his writings in so many ways that I myself can't describe it in words. What he wrote related so much to me it almost felt like he was telling my story (yes, you should read this book to know more, hehhe) for me . Although I am a Muslim since birth and have been living in a Muslim community since like forever (21 years at that time to be exact), I honestly consider myself a revert to Islam only about two years ago.

Those who know me and who are reading this may disagree or may even get hurt by my statement. I hope you understand that I am not trying to degrade anyone by saying that I have only truly known what Islam really is and what it stands for for 2 years only after so many years of being taught how to pray, how to read the Quran and how to act like a Muslim by my parents and teachers. Please take note that those who taught me and nurtured me have done what's best that is in their power to pass on to me their faith the best that they can, but in the end only Allah can open our hearts to what is true with our choice to accept the truth.

With that, I would like to share here some writtings of Professor Jeffrey that had really striked a chord in the depths of my heart because in so many ways it is exactly what I felt when I first felt a touch of divinity once a long time ago. May Allah have mercy on him.

Many of us, after reading the Qur'an, stood paralyzed on the bridge of indecision, which streches between faith and rejection, our material dreams and our hopes for the hereafter, our worldly desires and our spiritual needs. There were sleepless nights, seemingly endless pacings, haunting visions of our families' and friends' reactions, verses of the scripture that echoed in our minds, worries about our careers and our futures, and, worst of all, the emptiness of seperation from the One who touched us and spoke to us through His revelation. Of those who knew this agony, some turn and fled, never to return. Yet there are also those who gave up resistance and ran with outstretched arms into the merciful embrace of their Lord, who surrendered themselves to their deepest needs and fell into an ocean of kindness and love.

Those who choose Islam soon discover that, for the rest of their lives, they will have to face the following question repeatedly:"How did you bacome a Muslim?". They will formulate various partial explanations at different times according to the context in which it is asked. However, all of us who made that decision know that even we cannot fully comprehend it, for the wisdom and workings of God are often subtle and unfathomable. Perhaps the simplest and truest statement we can offer is this: At one special moment of our lives - a moment that we could never have forseen when we were younger - God, in His infinite knowledge and kindness, had mercy on us. Maybe He saw in us a need so great, a pain so deep, or an emptiness so vast. And maybe, He also saw in us a readiness. However He made it come to be, to Him we are eternally thankful. Truly, all praise and thanks belong to God.

[39:53] "O My servants who exceeded the limits, never despair of God's mercy. For God forgives all sins. He is the Forgiver, Most Merciful."