Wednesday, December 31, 2008

This is an Emo entry: avoid at all cost!

I need your support for I realize I am weak.

I DO NOT however, want your judgments.

I judge myself enough, thank you very much.


Stop being so judgmental!

Astagfirullah..


Sunday, December 28, 2008

Why not?

Why do you wear a hijab?

Why do you pray?

Why do you believe in One God?

Why are you willing to let go of your own desires for the sake of other people?

Why are you willing to waste your time doing things that you won't see the results now?

Why do you believe in things that other people think is a waste of time?

Why do you hold true to your principles when you feel like no one understands you?

Well I will ask you back... WHY NOT??

When you think about it, you only have one life to prove that you're worth it! You're worth giving the precious life you're living now.

And you always have Him by your side. =)

Monday, December 22, 2008

An interview with God

Disclaimer: Please don't take the God smile, God answered, God replied, God's hand took mine literally ok? Take the good and solid parts, ignore the vague parts. Thank you. =)


I dreamed I had an INTERVIEW WITH GOD.

"So, you would like to interview me?" GOD asked.

"If you have time," I said.

GOD smiled. "My time is eternity... what questions do you have in mind for me?"

"What surprises you the most about humankind?"

GOD answered...

"That they get bored with childhood, that they rush to grow up, and then long to be children again."

"That they lose their health to make money... and then lose their money to restore their health."

"That by thinking anxiously about the future, they forget the present, such that they live in neither the present nor the future."

"That they live as if they would never die, and die as though they had never lived."

GOD's hand took mine... and we were silent for a while.

And then I asked, "As a parent, what are some of life's lessons you want your children to learn?"

GOD replied, "To learn they cannot make anyone love them. All they can do is let themselves be loved."

"To learn that it is not good to compare themselves to others."

"To learn to forgive by practicing forgiveness."

"To learn that it only takes a few seconds to open profound wounds in those they love, and it can take many years to heal them."

"To learn that a rich person is not one who has the most, but is one who needs the least."

"To learn that there are people who love them dearly, but simply do not yet know how to express or show their feelings."

"To learn that two people can look at the same thing, and see it differently."

"To learn that it is not enough that they forgive one another, but they must also forgive themselves."

"Thank you for your time," I said humbly.

"Is there anything else you would like your children to know?"

GOD smiled, and said... "Just know that I am here."
"Always."

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Ah

The thing is... sometimes I don't know myself anymore.
It's buried under this thing called pride.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Rain of pain

It's really intriguing how the world and humanity revolves with surprising revelation.

Like this week, when I entered Accident & Emergency Posting expecting to confront grumpy, depressed and annoyed-looking specialists only to be catch off-balance by the reality that almost all of them are cheerful, good natured, and totally willing to teach us lowly medical students the art of medicine with precise yet simplistic approach that made me wonder why the heck have I been stressing myself for 4 years thinking that medicine was complicated!

It's calming really, to get to know a group of people who truth be told are the ones working in the most chaotic and exhausting environment, yet can act serene and be unruffled by all the uncertainties surrounding them everyday.

They make fast and accurate decisions that have saved many a life with only the basic cocktail of knowledge, clinical skills and confidence.

They treat all their colleagues and even their subordinates with utmost respect sprinkled with a sparkle of humor that often leave me wondering am I really in the Emergency department?

One resident (or you can call them specialist too) in particular truly inspired me with his stories from weeks volunteering in Bam, Iran (click here) during an earthquake disaster. And to add at that, he is also a poet, "and a truly damn good poet at that!". His words, not mine. But apparently, after googling his name, I would say that he is damn good.

So here's to Dr. Alzamani Mohammad Idrose, a truly idealistic and caring doctor. One day, may I follow your very foot steps to bring hope for less disdain and meaning that many will gain.

Through the rain of pain

Through the rain of pain
stain of disdain
and plains of strain

One must seek to gain
Life, even in just one grain
No matter how much is the rain of pain

One must seek to give
What one can, for others to live
No matter how short or how brief

One must seek to care
And let them live to dare
breathe better and have more to share

One must seek to hope
And help to cope
So as they fall, they find a rope

In all these pain, disdain and strain
There is always sunshine after the rain
There is always hope for less disdain
and meaning that many will gain


Alzamani Mohammad Idrose
7 Februari 2005
Hospital Kuala Lumpur

Sunday, December 07, 2008

A fleeting heartbeat away

They say a parent's love is unconditional even though the manifestation of that love may vary for different people. From the moment you were conceived, love is something that comes so naturally to them that you may wonder where did all this affection come from in the first place?

So there. Love, a natural thing that comes entangled within the bond between parents and children.

But to be proud of your children? Now that's a very different story altogether. To claim with ardent fervor that no matter what your child does or have done, be it admirable or degrading to you, you will always stand firm cheering them all the way through.

If I am a failure, will my parents still be proud of who I am?

If I have never entered medical school, if I was only a waitress in a dangly old cafe, will my parents still boast to others about my life as if it was on a silver platter?

If I am a drug addict, will my parents still be proud of the confident and strong person I once were?

If I have never once did anything that made them proud of me by their standard, will they still be there beside me to say that they will always support me where ever I go?

And for all there is to think of, will they still love me the same as the person I am now?

In the end, you can only be thankful of what you already have.

Friday, December 05, 2008

Finding myself?

When we were babies, everything in this world seemed interesting and colorful. We reached out for objects handed to us like a group of ants devouring a mountain of chocolate cookies. It never felt like a stupid thing to do to stuff everything we could grasp with our hands into our mouth because back then nothing we do felt stupid.

We grew up, never afraid of growing up because there was so much to learn and discover. We said the darnest thing we can think of and laughed along when people laughed at us because back then we didn't really think that much about what people thought. Life was happy being just the person we were.

We started to see ourselves as who we would become in ten years time, in twenty years time. We dream big, we fought hard. We had great ambitions and we made up visions to go along with it, we made plans we thought we could carry out.

Along the way we learn that things seldom turn out the way we want it to be.

Why am I telling you all this? For the mere fact that even tough we face reality right smack in front of us, time and time again we try to fool ourselves against the very truth that is as real as the sun rising up from the east everyday for the past millions of years.

In the end, we force ourselves to get on with our life, the life that is now not and never will be what we have always dreamed it will be when we were once very young and gullible.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Inspiration

There is something inside each and every one of us. That one special thing that separates us from the ordinary. Some of us spend our whole life trying to figure out what that thing is. To some, it came by so cunningly easy that we tend to take for granted the talent we posses. Unfortunately, there are those who're stuck in between not knowing what they're missing because they are too caught up in their own web of fear of the unknown.
Which one are you?

One chance to touch a star. Go higher and higher.
Find your guiding inspiration.
In a place where dreams are made.


Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Looking beyond

Doing everything that I believe in
Going by the rules that I've been taught
More understanding of what's around me
And protected from the walls of love

All that you see is me
And all I truly believe

That I was born to try
I've learned to love
Be understanding
And believe in life
But you've got to make choices
Be wrong or right
Sometimes you've got to sacrifice the things you like
But I was born to try

No point in talking what you should have been
And regretting the things that went on
Life's full of mistakes, destinies and fate
Remove the clouds look at the bigger picture

And all that you see is me
And all I truly believe

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

A prayer

ALLAH, on this day, make me, among those who rely on You, from those who You consider successful, and place me among those who are near to you, by Your favor, O goal of the seekers.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Mencari Doktor Dakwah Yang Hakiki

Bertemu doktor-doktor perubatan mithali sepanjang di Jalan Dakwah ini banyak memberi semangat juang kepada saya. Ada professor patologi yang saya berbicara dengannya tentang Dakwah dan isu umat ini hingga jam 4 pagi tanpa dia merasa jemu. Tak mengapa kerana masa tersebut adalah untuk Dakwah, katanya bila saya meminta maaf kerana ziarah yang panjang. Ada doktor yang sepenuh masa menyelia gudang Bantuan Kemanusiaan (Human Relief) di celah-celah timbunan guni dan kotak dengan penuh tekun, kini dia dipersada yang sama di arena antarabangsa. Ada doktor perunding urologi yang menjadi salah seorang guru dan penunjuk utama saya dalam Dakwah ini. Ini belum lagi doktor-doktor yang tidak pernah saya temui tetapi kisah perjuangan Dr Abdul Aziz Al-Rantisi, Dr Ahmad Al-Malt dll yang mencurah seluruh jiwa raga, masa, harta dan nyawa untuk Dakwah ini sehingga mereka menghembuskan nafas terakhir meredhai dan diredhai Allah swt saya tatapi dengan penuh tekun dan membara. Sungguh ruh Dakwah ini mampu mencipta banyak keajaiban yang tak dapat digambarkan oleh manusia yang lalai.

Seperti posting lalu, pendakwah hakiki ialah mereka yang berjaya melaksanakan fardhu ain dalam menyeru manusia kembali kepada Allah swt. Mujaddid pula adalah orang yang menghidupkan aspek Islam yang sangat diperlukan pada ketika itu seperti Khalifah Umar Abd Aziz (99H) dalam membaiki kehidupan khalifah dizaman banyak aduan tentang gaya hidup khlifah-khalifah sebelum beliau dan Imam Syafie (199H) dalam mengasaskan Usul Fiqh dizaman Islam berkembang ke pelusuk dunia dan sangat memerlukan panduan dan asas dalam mengeluarkan hukum hakam baru. Oleh itu Doktor Dakwah yang hakiki pada zaman umat Islam jahil dan ditindas hari ini adalah doktor yang berperanan seterusnya memimpin perubahan dalam jiwa masyarakat sehingga melayakkan mereka kembali bangkit membimbing dan memimpin orang ramai kepada keagungan Islam, berdepan dengan musuh-musuhnya diseluruh dunia. Seorang doktor boleh memainkan peranan tersebut kerana :

  1. Mudah menasihat dan mendidik masyarakat disebabkan kedudukannya yang dihormati.
  2. Memberi identiti yang cantik kepada badan dan organisasi yang disertainya, apatah lagi yang dipimpinnya.
  3. Boleh memberi sumbangan fikiran, terutama setelah melalui pengalaman luas dan bacaan yang banyak kerana mereka memiliki kecerdikan yang tinggi.
  4. Memelihara kesihatan umat dan ini penting untuk mereka berperanan memajukan agama dan negara disamping berjihad dan berdakwah kepada umat yang lain.
  5. Berdepan dengan dakyah sesat yang lain yang banyak masuk melalui khidmat kesihatan dan kebajikan.

Setelah melalui sedikit pengalaman dan membuat pengamatan, beberapa perkara perlu disedari agar kita memiliki seramai mungkin Doktor Dakwah yang hakiki, dengan mereka dapat membantu membangkitkan kembali umat ini dari lena lalu membawa mereka kearah keagungan global. Diantaranya :

  1. Seperti karier-karier lain yang berbagai, karier sebagai doktor adalah fardhu kifayah dan sekali-kali janganlah karier itu melupakan tuannya terhadap fardhu ain iaitu Dakwah di Jalan Allah.
  2. Tempoh sebagai mahasiswa adalah kritikal dalam melahirkan Pendakwah yang hakiki. Hanya mahasiswa yang berjaya dididik meletakkan Dakwah lebih utama dari segalanya yang mampu menjadi Pendakwah yang hakiki dihari tua. Sebaliknya bebanan pelajaran mahasiswa perubatan adalah besar, menjadikan usaha menanam hakikat diatas seringkali sukar. Kebiasaannya, seorang yang lebih mementingkan pelajarannya dizaman mahasiswa akan lebih mementingkan kariernya dizaman bekerja. Sebaiknya dia tekun dan hebat di dalam Dakwah sambil cemerlang di dalam pelajaran.
  3. Kerjaya sebagai seorang doktor juga berat dan menyibukkan. Kerjaya lain banyak beinteraksi dengan dokumen dan angka di paparan yang mudah dikendali masa dan keadaannya, sedang doktor mesti berinteraksi secara langsung dengan orang ramai yang seringkali tidak mengira masa, keadaan dan tempat. Ini ditambahan lagi dengan tawaran habuan wang ringgit yang tinggi menjadikan usaha menanam ke dalam jiwa akan hakikat Dakwah sebagai fardhu ain dan lebih utama dari segalanya seringkali tercabar. Pengalaman dan kejadian banyak terbentang di depan mata hingga ke hari ini. Kata ahli Dakwah bermaksud, “Agama ini tidak akan memberi sebahagian kemajuannya kepada kita, melainkan setelah kita memberi segala apa yang ada kepada kita untuknya berupa tenaga, masa, wang ringgit, jiwa dan raga”.
  4. Setinggi mana pangkat, seluas dan sebesar mana tanggungjawab terhadap kesihatan orang ramai, seorang doktor wanita tidak boleh mengabaikan tugas asasi mendidik anak-anaknya hingga berjaya menjadi Pendakwah yang hakiki. Mendidik anak memerlukan fokus, masa, perancangan dan kesabaran. Jangan sekali-kali karier tinggi melangit tetapi tugas Dakwah entah kemana, anak-anak terbiar keIslamannya lagi menyedihkan, fardhu kifayah dikejar, fardhu ain diabaikan.

Taken from: Ini Jalanku by Ustaz Halim


Note to self: A looooooooong way to go.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

To each a responsibility

"There are, of course, those who do not want us to speak. I suspect even now orders are being shouted into telephones and men with guns will soon be on their way. Why? Because while the truncheon may be used in lieu of conversation, words will always retain their power. Words offer the means to meaning and for those who will listen, the enunciation of truth. And the truth is, there is something terribly wrong with this country, isn't there?

Cruelty and injustice.. intolerance and oppression. And where once you had the freedom to object, to think and speak as you saw fit, you now have censors and systems of surveillance, coercing your conformity and soliciting your submission. How did this happen? Who's to blame? Well certainly there are those who are more responsible than others, and they will be held accountable. But again, truth be told.. if you're looking for the guilty, you need only look into a mirror."

-V for Vendetta-

Self

Stop blaming others. Own up.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Tell me why

Floating in a hurricane of deep dark secrets. Plunging into a raging ocean. Bringing along a burden that carries a weight so heavy you sink into the bottomless sea.

Dreams are meant to be shattered. Hearts are meant to be broken.

Only then do we realize what is really important in life.

Do I have to stand and fight to prove to everybody
who I am?


Tuesday, November 11, 2008

One nation, one faith

We tend to see people from the perspective of our own introspection. Our views are shaped by our way of thinking which is often the result of our upbringing - the accumulative constituents of culture, religious believes and educational experiences.

Empathy, such a cool word to pronounce but the fact of the matter, is very hard to achieve. We can never truly feel what another person feels until we have gone through the same situation as they have.

Understanding and acceptance I believe is the key to true civilization and the enlightenment of the human mind and soul. It is because of the feeling of being accepted can one achieve the liberty of thoughts from undesired emotions.

For example, when you talk to your child about how their attitude is breaking your heart and you feel like they don't appreciate all the sacrifices you've made for them thus you put all the blame on them, do you think they can instantaneously turn into an angel right there and then?

Now, what if you take a different approach by saying that you love them and that you understand how it must be hard for them to find their place in this world when people keep treating them like children but asking them to be adults and implicating them with things that they can't seem to fully comprehend yet but you hope that you can assist them to be better people thus you need their cooperation and understanding also for you to help them help themselves, well what do you think will happen then?

It is in the nature of man to feel wanted and accepted by the people around them. This feeling of acceptance creates a security that in turns inspires the soul to be better in so many ways.

What is my point exactly? To be honest, I've lost my train of thoughts. =D

I don't know, I guess I'm just perturbed by the racial and religous (or spiritual if you like it that way) turmoil our country is heading into (or perhaps have already been in for a long time yet never noticed). Lead by example as what the Prophet Muhammad said. So, I guess it all goes back to ones ability, in my case MYSELF, to accept others for the differences they have and finally agree to disagree on certain matters. This thing that has been going on is not just interracial but if we dig deeper is actually rooted intra-racially.

Right, I'm going to let this issue hang there. Tata~


On an emotional note: I hate it when people equate Malays to Muslims!
Malays = Muslims?
Malays ≠ Muslims!
Because Muslims are a nation, one ummah, regardless of race,
so stop playing the racial card already!!!!



Monday, November 10, 2008

Ujian, ujian dan ujian

Tadi di wad kanak-kanak, berborak-borak dengan ibu seorang pesakit. Sebab kemasukan tidaklah terlalu serius, hanya kerana infeksi jangkitan kuman pada paru-paru. Tapi setelah diselidik dengan lebih mendalam, rupa-rupanya simptom adik tersebut agak parah sehingga dia terpakasa dimasukkan ke dalam Unit Rawatan Intensif (ICU) selama 10 hari sebelum dipindah masuk ke dalam wad ini beberapa hari yang lalu.

Namun, saya lihat wajah ibu tadi tenang sekali. Lalu saya pun bertanya, umur ibu berapa ya? Katanya sudah hampir 50 tahun dan ini anaknya yang bongsu. Wah, sungguh menakjubkan. Saya kira ini anaknya yang pertama dan dia baru sahaja berumur 30 tahun. Saya tanya lagi, ibu ni awet muda, ibu makan apa ya? Sambil bergelak ketawa mengisi ruang bualan. Tak makan apa nak, cuma ibu tak suka risau-risau dan menyerebut kepala dengan perkara yang ibu tak boleh ubah apa-apa. Sabar tu kunci segala-galanya! Saya seperti tersentak seketika. Tarbiyah kecil dari seorang ibu yang hanya belajar sehingga sekolah menengah dan berkerja sebagai suri rumah.

Saya melihat-lihat badan adik kecil itu lalu ternampak tanda garis parut yang panjang di tengah-tengah dadanya. Memang selalunya ia adalah petanda bahawa adik ini pernah mempunyai masalah jantung berlubang suatu masa dahulu dan kini sudah sembuh.

Saya tanya lagi, adik ini pernah masuk hospital sebelum ini ibu? Jawabnya tidak, sejak kali terakhir dia masuk untuk pembedahan jantungnya. Tekaan saya betul! Saya masih di awang-awangan kerana perasan diri ini serba tahu (astagfirullah sedangkan ilmu itu dari Allah!) sambil mulut bertanya, ibu tidak risau dulu ibu? Maka ibu itu mula berceramah lagi. Nak, buat apa kita nak risau benda yang memang Allah dah tetapkan untuk kita. Kita dah ikhtiar, bawa jumpa doktor, kita tahu doktor tu akan buat yang terbaik untuk tolong anak kita. Jadi kita tak perlu risau. Semuanya ujian dari Allah. Kita kena sabar sahaja.

Saya terpana.

Ketika itu, doktor pakar masuk untuk melihat adik kecil ini. Saya pun melarikan diri kerana tidak mahu mengganggu urusan doktor tersebut.

Kaki melangkah longlai kerana fikiran menerewang entah ke mana. Atas nilai kesabaran dan ketaqwaan itulah, ibu itu walau hanya seorang suri rumah, walau hanya berpelajaran rendah, walau tidak pernah melancong meredah, walau nampak seperti insan lemah, akan diangkat tinggi martabatnya di akhirat kelak. Di dunia sebenar kita. Di dunia infiniti kita.

Maka, kita ini masih mahu berbangga dengan harta, nama, pangkat, anak-anak dan keangkuhan kita?

I am so afraid I am going to fail this test again and again. Allah, please guide me towards the righteous path. I can not do this alone.

Make the change!

It is so very hard to get rid of this selfishness. When you've always been nurtured to put yourself first before others, kindness and compassion never come easy to you. You try to change the way you think which have shaped the way you act which has in turn make your habit. But THAT'S the problem!

When it becomes habit, it is so very hard to change.

Sometimes, blaming others for the way you are is so much easier than confronting the fact that you actually have the will power to make your life and how you live, your own. It is easier to say things like "Oh, it's in the genes", "Oh well, it's the way I was brought up", "It's just the way I am!" than to proactively strive to improve ourselves. THAT'S the thing!

It is so much fun being complacent than striving hard because to strive takes too much work.

Alright then. I'm done complaining. Now it is time to STEP UP and MAKE THE CHANGE. Stop whining already Arifah!

Thank you for reading this. ^_^

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

To become a psychologist

What if this isn't what I want? Can I actually have wants? If this path requires sacrifices, if this life requires endurance, than why are we given ambitions, aspirations and passion?
Can I press rewind?


I am certain that I assist people with their problems for self-satisfaction and this is the real reason why I’d like to study psychology; later finding a profession where I am able to help people all day, thus satisfying my needs. Is this a wrong reason to get into your field (i.e., does this become an issue when I make this my living)? I understand we all have selfish reasons for all that we do, but is this what motivates you and others in your field or is there something I seem to be missing?

Yes, we all have to look after ourselves to a basic extent. If no one is going to give us shelter and food, then we have to earn the money to provide these things for ourselves. So, if you have to work for a living, you may as well do something you enjoy.

The practice of psychology, however, does put a twist on all this. A psychotherapist must work very intimately with the unconscious desires of another person, and it can be very easy for the psychotherapist’s personal desires to contaminate the desires of the client. That’s why the great psychoanalyst Jacques Lacan taught that the analyst’s only desire should be to help the client get close to his or her own unconscious and should ask nothing of the client but fair payment for a job well done.

The prerequisite for such intense work is personal psychotherapy—the more intense the psychotherapy, the better—so as to become familiar with your own personal unconscious issues. Most “bad therapists” are caught up in their own pride and ego because they are blind to them, and they do considerable damage to their clients as a result.

Therefore, if you believe you have a gift for psychology, then pursue it and let your own personal psychotherapy show you if you really have what it takes. If you can face your own inner darkness and grow from it, and can tolerate what is missing in life by not trying to use perversions to hide from yourself, then blessings to you.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Isi hati?

Saya kira terlalu banyak kelemahan dan sisa-sisa jahiliyyah yang masih ada dalam diri ini. Terasa tidak layak dipilih Tuhan berada di jalan ini. Tapi hidup ini satu perjuangan dan kebenaran harus sentiasa diperjuangkan.

Kadang-kadang saya rasa kelebihan yang Allah bagi pada saya itu satu rahmat agar dapat digunakan bagi menyebarkan yang haq. Mungkin benar. Tapi pada masa yang sama saya lupa betapa syaitan itu sentiasa berusaha untuk mencucukkan jarumnya mengajak manusia ke jalan yang batil dengan apa cara sekali pun. Dia telah membisikkan ke dalam hati saya rasa riak dan takabbur dengan kelebihan yang ada, lalu saya tersungkur di tengah jalan.

Maka, saat ini saya harus bertanya pada hati sendiri... kamu hidup untuk apa dan untuk siapa? Betulkan niat. Ingat hari yang telah dijanjikan keadilan bagi setiap yang pernah bernyawa dan bergelar insan.

Kamu! Sampai bila mahu memberi alasan?

Read



How many words she’s read before,
she’s consumed two thousand books or more.

Musty pulp and glue soundproof her tiny room.
She cannot understand why this book in her hand
fascinates her now so much that she’s almost shy to touch.
“Don’t think about the words it’s just a book - paper and ink”
She reaffirms, remind herself, “a book can’t dictate what to think.”
It invites, intrigues her more than others on her shelf
“Is it just another book?” - she sits questioning herself.

Oh Allah, she’s so afraid to read,
the wisdom that’s revealed may burrow in her mind
She’ll be obliged to admit,
She’ll be obliged to submit
But will she be strong enough to live the truth she finds?
Oh Allah, she’s so afraid to read.
The hall light is always on every night that he is gone.
He hears his mother toss in bed when he slips in at dawn.
In the book case by the stair, he can see it sitting there
like a waiting watchful wise-man scolding him with care.
In the morning will they fight about him being out all night?
Will he resent their gift of love and not admit that they are right?
All he wants is to fit in some place, but must he compromise his faith?
He can’t look himself or his parents in the face.
He takes the book upstairs unread and sets it closed next to his head
then counts the prayers he’s missed and lays so hopelessly in bed.

Oh Allah, he’s so afraid to read,
the wisdom that’s revealed may burrow in his mind
He’ll be obliged to admit,
He’ll be obliged to submit
But will he be strong enough to live the truth he finds?
Oh Allah, he’s so afraid to read.

I sent an email to my loved one, just the other day
It’s sad communication has evolved this way.
We use so many words but have so little to relay
as angels scribble down every letter that we say.
All the viral attachments sent and passionate insults we vent
It’s easy to be arrogant behind user passwords we invent.
But on the day the scrolls are laid, with every word and deed displayed,
when we read our accounts, I know, for one, I’ll be afraid.

That day I’ll be so afraid to read,
every harsh word that I’ve spoken - and every time I have lied.
I’ll be obliged to admit,
I’ll be obliged to submit
Will I have strength owning up to each deed I’ve tried to hide?
Oh Allah, I’m so afraid to read.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

In Sincere supplication

"Aliff laam min. Adakah manusia menyangka bahawa mereka akan dibiarkan mengatakan kami telah beriman sedangkan mereka tidak diuji. Sesungguhnya kami telah menguji orang-orang sebelum mereka. Lantaran itu Allah mesti mengetahui orang-orang yg benar dan orang-orang yang berdusta." (Al-Ankabut:1-3)

Jalan dakwah tidak ditaburi dengan bunga-bunga , tetapi merupakan satu jalan yang susah dan panjang. Kerana sesungguhnya antara haq dengan yang batil ada pertentangan yang nyata. Ia memerlukan kesabaran dan ketekunan memikul bebanan yang berat.

Ia memerlukan kemurahan hati, pemberian dan pengorbanan tanpa mengharapkan hasil yang segera tanpa putus asa dan putus harapan. Yang diperlukan ialah usaha dan kerja yang berterusan dan hasilnya terserah kepada Allah di waktu yang dikehendakinya.

I have found the answer to the haze that has been clouding my mind for the past one week or so. Right now, I am looking for the courage to live the truth that I find. And that, I should have expected, is harder than finding the answer in the first place. Bimbinglah aku wahai Maha Pemberi Petunjuk. Because You of all know that strength and guidance is everything I need right now.
...praying hard...


Friday, October 24, 2008

A great civilization

My lecturer, Dr Feisel said the other day "The value of a great civilization is seen in the way it treats the disadvantage".

We say we are a Muslim country. We think we are governed by an Islamic administration. We pride ourselves as observant Muslims, or so we say.

So why are we so blatantly blinded by the tall buildings we hoist, the big houses we live in, the huge cars we drive, the smooth highways we structure? What is so great about sending one man into space while thousands scrounge for food like mad men on earth? Why do we applaud our education system that we say have produced thousands with scrolls but then we now realize lacked empathy? Why are we so uncomfortable about sharing our wealth with those who we say are not the same creed as we are?

This land, is this our land or the land God only lent to us for just a little while still?

We seem to look too much at the vast empty sky until we forget the ones who find sanctuary beneath the blue heavens on the earth. We dream big, but failed to pinpoint out destination. We boast ourselves for the things that were achieved by the sweat of our grandparents but never have we tried to put ourselves in their place.

And now, we seem to annihilate the one thing that makes us all human, that makes us all special. Our heart. Our ability to love, care and put others before us. Regardless of colors, creeds or beliefs.

For behold and look back into history: all the great civilizations that the true Islam has brought up was that based on justice, kindness and compassion to all.

"A religious man is a person who holds God and man in one thought at one time, at all times, who suffers harm done to others, whose greatest passion is compassion, whose greatest strength is love and defiance of despair."


Monday, October 20, 2008

For my youngest sis

My youngest sister Atiqah read the birthday entry I wrote for Kak If (the one after me). Her exact words were "Touching gile", with a tinge of jealousy noted. And then I asked her, "Tiqah jelous ke?". And then she instantly said "Haah, Tiqah jelous", but with a smile on her face. Nak cover kut. Hehehe.

So, to my other little sister, whether you're actually jealous or not, this entry is especially written for you.

I love you too you know! ;)

Thursday, October 16, 2008

A birthday present for you!

Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to tell someone you love them because, well, just because. I often notice that people tend to disregard those that they love the most. It's not because you don't appreciate them, it's just that sometimes it's the easiest thing to do.

This girl is the most unique person I've ever met.

She used to be an epileptic infant. I remembered having to go countless of times to the pediatric institute in Hospital Kuala Lumpur (coincidently where I'm currently doing my pediatric posting!). How there was always this worried look in my parents face, how their voices were always hushed when talking about their helpless little baby. I remembered moments where the aura of panic my parents conveyed when she was having her fitting episodes troubled me. Although I didn't really understood what was happening, I knew something was not right. Thank you Allah, for allowing her to survive that.

She was only one and a half years old when we received another one in the family. An age where she was still trying to find her footing in the family and in this world, an age where she still needed all the attention and love she can get from those who provided for her. But she had to forgo all that, because what was supposed to be her limelight was stolen by her own little brother. She could have complained (although she might not know how yet at that time), she could have thrown tantrums, she could have cried and cried. But people always said she was an angel even at a young age. Even when she was shipped to our grandparents', she never upsets anyone there. My late grandfather loved her very much. Thank you Allah, for giving her the chance to be loved by those around her.

Even when she was very little, she radiated a uniqueness that was her very own. I remembered her having conversations with a 'special' friend, someone conjured up by her creative imagination. Perhaps it was due to the lack of attention that she received but that friend made her life happy and joyful, and that was enough for her. She also loved to draw (I wonder what happened to this talent of hers?) loved to read colorful books.

Oh oh, there was this one time (when she was 3 or 4 years old) where she wore my mothers' heels and took a water bottle that my mum used to bring to school (mum was a teacher back then) , and while everyone was busy buzzing away with daily chores, she stepped out of the house and walked into the streets with a determination that could steel the heart of even a champion. When we noticed her missing, the whole house went berserk. We ran out of the house and there at the middle of the road about a mile away we saw a tiny little creature standing with a huge car that stopped smack right in front of her. She looked like she was about to cry. My mum hugged her and everything was alright again. But for that, she should have been given a medal for her outrageous bravery.

Throughout her teenage years, some people may misunderstood her calm for being quiet, her patience not to fight for being a coward, her ability to contain her anger for being timid. How very wrong they were.

Throughout her transition into college life, some people might have pushed her to do things she did not like but never once did she faltered, some people might not understand the choices she made but she ignored them, some people even tried to impose their opinion on her but she gracefully told them that this life is her life and her life is her turf. She was going to decide for her own how she wanted her future to be. And for that, I pray that Allah will give her contentment for the life she chose to lead.

There is so many beautiful tales to tell that I do not know which to choose from. Because now that little girl have grown into a responsible, lively, courageous, wise, thoughtful and exclusive you woman, unparalleled by no one her age. For this girl is my girl, my trusted adviser, my secret keeper, my precious sister. We are bonded by a bond of unconditional love.

Thus because of that and above all else, I put my thanks and gratitude to the Creator of Love, the Creator of Siblings, the Creator of all things beautiful, Allah the Almighty.

May He guide you, little sister, to a path that will bring you the ultimate happiness and contentment. May He shines His blessings on you. And may He allow us with all His Mercy after our time in this world ends, to meet again in paradise, insyaAllah.


Because of Him, I give you my love.

Happy Birthday, Kak If!


Thursday, October 09, 2008

Faith

Iman itu tidak dapat dibeli dengan harga apa sekali pun.

Terima kasih Allah. Hari ini aku merasai sapaan hidayah yang amat manis.

Alhamdulillah.

=)

Sunday, October 05, 2008

Financial independence

I am reading Rich Dad, Poor Dad and it is truly an eye-opener.

Go buy (or borrow) one, right now!

Thursday, October 02, 2008

I'm falling and there is no one there to catch me.

Do you know that feeling? The feeling when you feel like you're sitting on a chair and the world swirls around you in a beat of frenzy? The uneasy feeling at the pit of your stomach, the rapid drumming of your heart, the pressure at the back of your head.

And you start questioning yourself about the choices you've made.

And then after a while you start blaming others of every misgivings.

And just when you feel like giving up, another hoard of obstacles are thrown your way.

Is God trying to tell me something?

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

A short visit from the owner

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI!
Maaf zahir dan batin.
Semoga raya kali ini lebih bermakna buat semua.


Dari kami di Kuantan, Pahang.
Jemputlah ke rumah nenek saya untuk meraka yang beraya di sini.
^_^

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Ainul Yaqeen.

Berhadapan dengan bisyarat yang menjanjikan masa yang cemerlang di dunia ini, di samping harapan yang cerah untuk memiliki syurga Allah, para sahabat melihat penyiksaan yang silih menimpa mereka dan bala bencana yang mengelilingi mereka tidak lebih dari mendung timur yang menyelubungi suasana yang tidak lama akan hilang. Rasulullah terus mengukuhkan jiwa mereka dengan sajian kerohanian dan keimanan, mentazkiahkan hati-hati mereka dengan ajaran-ajaran al-Quran dan hikmah- hikmahnya, mentarbiahkan mereka dengan latihan yang membina budi, membimbing jiwa-jiwa mereka ke rnercu kemuliaan diri, kesucian hati, keheningan susila, kebebasan dari rantai meterialistik, penentangan hawa nafsu, dan melonjak syahdu kehadrat Ilahi, Pencipta petala langit dan bumi. Seluruh sanubari mereka dibersihkan, hingga keluarlah mereka dari buana kegelapan ke alam cahaya dan nur, melatih mereka cekal hati menghadapi cabaran dan rintangan hawa nafsu, hingga dengannya mereka semakin kukuh berpegang dengan agama, menolak ke tepi syahwat hawa nafsu, bermatian ke jalan Allah dan keredhaanNya, penuh nostalgia kepada syurga nirwanaNya, perihatin untuk memperolehi ilmu, bertafaqquh dalam agama, menghitung diri, menunduk runtunan nafsu, mengatasi emosi, menguasai berontakan perasaan, kesemuanya ditambah dengan kesabaran, ketenangan dan ketabahan hati.

Sumber: dakwah.info


Aku yakin.
Mendung timur yang menyelubungi suasana ini, tidak lama lagi akan hilang~


Friday, September 19, 2008

Integrity

"The leading Malaysian English daily, The Star, was closed down for a few months. In the weeks prior to Operation Lalang, The Star had continuously provided transparent news coverage about the Opposition's point of view. This construed treason as far as the government was concerned, and they were shut down under Malaysia's repressive sedition laws. The Star resumed publication months later under new management that was installed by UMNO. Most of the previous staff were laid off or otherwise threatened with prison and ISA.

From that point onwards, The Star, as well as many other media outlets in Malaysia, became government-controlled mouthpieces with an obvious pro-government slant. These media outlets were also noticeably whitewashing all of the UMNO government's wrongdoings and corruption. All the cover-up and whitewashing by the mass media became more obvious towards the late-90's, when another power struggle within UMNO (the Mahathir vs Anwar episode) revealed the extent of corruption and crimes among the UMNO executive that have never been revealed or reported."


So, that's why our media as of now is not transparent in reporting accurate facts. Since 1987 more specifically, it was controlled by people who don't want the truth to be revealed!

Read here on Operasi Lalang. How history is repeating itself this very moment.

But this time, I sincerely pray it is for the better. May Allah guide us towards the truth. For the progress of humanity rest on that very foundation we now seem to lack. Integrity.

Gegaran semangat



Astagfirullah. Astagfirullah. Astagfirullah.


Apa matlamat hidup aku selama ini?

Sekadar membesar, masuk sekolah, masuk universiti, dapat ijazah, jadi doktor, kahwin, dapat anak, dapat cucu, dapat penyakit, makin tua... lepas tu?

Bangkitlah, bangkitlah, bangkitlah.

Ya Allah, sudah berlalu masa tidurku!

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

I am a woman, treat me well

To educate a girl is to educate a whole family. And what is true of families is also true of communities and, ultimately, whole countries. Study after study has taught us that there is no tool for development more effective than the education of girls. No other policy is as likely to raise economic productivity, lower infant and maternal mortality, improve nutrition and promote health – including helping to prevent the spread of HIV/AIDS. No other policy is as powerful in increasing the chances of education for the next generation.

- Kofi Annan, Secretary General of the UN

I was reading the first chapter of the Illustrated Textbook of Paediatrics (oh yes, started paediatric posting last Monday btw~) just now and came across this paragraph. My hands can't just stop twitching itself until I posted it here. Hehhe.

I felt a surge of pride knowing that once upon a time, when the world view females as a liability, as the weaker sex, as the burden of a nation, as the slaves of men, as an entity merely for that of pleasure fulfillment, never as a person, Islam stood alone and raised women to a very high status in its society.

For those who're ignorant of the histories of the world might not see what I mean. And to spread the story of nations in one entry would be, well, to be honest I need to study right now not writing this! Hehhe.

But anyway, briefly, you can review that during the emergent of Islam in Arab, the Romans and the Greeks were making women their playthings, the Hindus were oppressing the rights of their women, the Arabs themselves were killing girls who were born into a family for the stupid reason of females being the magnet of bad luck. Grrrrr!

But look at what the prophet Muhammad (pbuh) did? He treated women with respect, he thought women the importance of knowledge, he gave women the rights to inheritance with great proportions, he behaved towards women with care and tenderness, and he listened to what the women have to say in many things.

“The rights of women are sacred.
See that women are maintained in the rights assigned to them.”
- Prophet Muhammad

“God enjoins you to treat women well,
for they are your mothers, daughters, aunts.”

- Prophet Muhammad

So, basically, even before Kofi Annan said it, Islam has already compelled it! I'm proud to be a Muslim.

The Night of Power

Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah.

Dah masuk hari ke 17 Ramadhan, apa khabar iman anda?

Tak sabar nak tunggu 10 malam terakhir. Jom kita cuba dapatkan Laylat ul-Qadr~

Tak sabarnyeeee! Tak sabarnyeeee! Tak sabarnyeeee!

"The Night of Power is better than a thousand months. The angels and the Spirit descend therein, by the permission of their Lord, with all decrees. (The night is) Peace until the rising of the dawn." -Surah Al-Qadr

Oh Allah, do not deprive us of the Night of Power.
Oh Allah, do not deprive us of its pay.
And do not deprive us of its excellance.
Oh Allah, do not deprive us of its rewards.
And make us of those whose prayers are answered in it.
Oh Allah, in it make us of the joyful!
Of the Rightly Guided people.
Of those before us!
To the Garden of Delights.
By your mercy, oh Lord of the Worlds.
Oh Allah, make us of those who receive their books with their right hands.
And it is said to them on the Day of Resurrection,
Enter it (paradise) in peace.
Enter it with no worries, rest assured.
Enter it with no punishment, as its inhabitants.
By your mercy, oh Lord of the Worlds.

To understand better about it:

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

I give you my heart

Truly in the heart there is a void that can not be removed except with the company of Allah. And in it there is a sadness that can not be removed except with the happiness of knowing Allah and being true to Him. And in it there is an emptiness that can not be filled except with love for Him and by turning to Him and always remembering Him. And if a person were given all of the world and what is in it, it would not fill this emptiness.


Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Sayonara Jahiliyyah~

Memang terasa seperti hendak menulis pengalaman sendiri, hendak membuka pintu hati dan menterjemahkannya ke dalam kebenaran penulisan yang hakiki, tapi rasa macam ada writer's block pula. Hehhe. Jadi saya mengambil terus dari isi hati seorang sahabat yang merasai apa yang saya rasa, mungkin bukan pada masa yang sama tapi ianya mempunyai kesan yang sama terhadap kehidupan kami seluruhnya. Apa yang dia tulis seolah-olah datang dari hati saya sendiri. Maka saya persembahkannya di sini... semoga ia menyentuh hati mereka yang mahu mengerti. This piece of literature is taken from the blog: Halwa Hati.



Assalamualaikum,


Banyaknya perkara yang terjadi dalam hidup seharianku, kadang-kadang sempat untukku selami pengajaran & tarbiyah yang Allah sediakan di sebaliknya, namun kadangkala aku terlepas pandang & ia berlalu begitu saja. Memori itu hilang ditelan masa tanpa sempat ku kutip mutiara hikmah darinya. Alangkah rugi! Bagaimanalah utk menjadikan hari ini lebih baik dari semlm, kalau tidak direnungi apakah kekurangan semalam & bagaimana memperbaikinya? Namun InsyaAllah mana-mana mutiara hikmah yang sempat ku kutip sepanjang jalanku itu, akan kuletakkan di sini.. dalam coretan yang kudoakan mampu menyentuh hati mereka yang mahu mengerti.


Maha Suci Allah yang membukakan pintu hati makhlukNya, mengangkat hijab yg selama ini menghalangi pandangan. Siapa sangka kabut yg pernah menyelubungi & menggelapkan hati ini akan berlalu pergi? Digantikan pula dgn titis-titis keinsafan menyirami hati, membasahkannya dgn Hidayah.. meredhakan pemergian Jahiliyyah buat selama-lamanya, insyaAllah.


Aku ingin selalu berada dalam kebenaran. Ingin sentiasa di atas landasan iman. Ingin bersama-sama mereka, menjadi di kalangan tentera Allah, sebahagian dari Ansarallah, setia memperjuangkan & beriltizam dengan Ad-Deen yg mulia ini. Tetapi rupanya ia tidak semudah yg kusangka. Angan-angan saja tidak cukup. Kerana sisa-sisa jahiliyyah yg pernah subur dalam diriku itu perlu dikikis bersih-bersih terlebih dulu, lempar jauh-jauh.. supaya ruang di jiwa itu lebih luas, lebih mudah untuk diisi dgn sesuatu yang lebih suci & haq, yang pastinya tidak bisa bercampur dengan yang batil. Lantas ini secara automatik menuntut pengorbanan yang bukan sedikit. Namun, syurga itu memang mahal harganya, bukan?


Benarlah, iman itu bukan perhiasan, bukan juga angan-angan. Ia adalah keyakinan yang sebenar-benar dlm hati, yang dinatijahkan melalui amalan. InsyaAllah berbekalkan sejemput fikrah Islam yang mengetuk pintu hati, kumulakan hijrah itu. Mengorak langkah-langkah pertama meninggalkan zaman Jahiliyyah. Tapi aku sedar langkahku itu belum jauh, masih perlahan, masih tersekat-sekat, malah sering saja terjatuh. Tapi tak apa. Yang pasti.. jgn sekali ia berhenti. Kerana jalanku masih panjang.


Sedikit demi sedikit, makin kusedari betapa alpanya diriku dulu. Bila menatap foto lama, serta-merta terbit rasa kesal & malu melihat diri sendiri. Atau bila membuka almari, terasa banyaknya pakaian yang hari ini takkan kukenakan lagi, sebab ia tak memenuhi tuntutan Allah buat seorg muslimah. Atau tatkala melihat simpanan lagu-lagu yang pernah menjadi halwa telingaku, alangkah songsangnya lirik-lirik itu dari kebenaran! Hanya menjaja angan-angan & menghanyutkan saja. Sebenarnya bukan tak pernah dulu aku terasa Hidayah Allah mengintai-intai & merisik.. tapi hati kurang menyambutnya, mengabaikan saja bisikan iman itu & aku terus saja menjadi mangsa keadaan. Justeru hari ini aku sedih jika ada org lain yang terus ingin & terus gembira menjadi mangsa keadaan.


"Dan jika kamu mengikuti kebanyakan orang-orang yang ada di muka bumi ini, nescaya mereka akan menyesatkanmu dari jalan Allah. Mereka tidak lain hanyalah mengikut persangkaan belaka, dan mereka tidak lain hanyalah berdusta(terhadap Allah)." (6:116)


Ayuh, tinggalkan zaman Jahiliyyahmu & kita sama-sama buka era baru! Pada usia muda 17 tahun, Al-Maududi sudah mula berjuang dgn penanya dalam Akhbar di India utk membangkitkan kesedaran Islam, serta memperjuangkan kemerdekaan Pakistan. Usamah bin Zaid sudah menjadi Panglima perang yg memimpin tentera Islam seawal usia 19 tahun. Constantinople ditakluk oleh Sultan Al-Fateh semasa dia hanya 21 tahun. Pada usia yg sama, Ibnu Batuttah telah memulakan pengembaraannya menjelajah dunia. Nabi Daud pula telah menewaskan seorang general ketika hanya berumur 15 tahun! Mereka semua adalah pemuda! Tetapi telah mengubah dunia! Aku? Pada usia yang sudah 21 thn ini, baru hendak keluar dari kepompong jahiliyyah, baru mula menghayati syahadah & masih bertatih mengenal apa erti aku menganut Islam.


"Allah menganugerahkan al-hikmah(kefahaman yang dalam tentang Al Quran dan As Sunnah) kepada siapa yang Dia kehendaki. Dan barangsiapa yang dianugerahi al hikmah itu, ia benar benar telah dianugerahi kurnia yang banyak.Dan hanya orang orang yang berakallah yang dapat mengambil pengajaran dari ayat ayat Allah." (2:269)


Rasulullah juga pernah bersabda..

"Sesiapa yang Allah hendaki kebaikan kepadanya akan diberikan kefahaman tentang deen nya…"


Sahabat-sahabatku yang dikasihi, kita akan sama-sama menyusuri jalan ini. Hidayah yang datang itu adalah hadiah Allah untuk kita yang tak ternilai harganya! Janganlah dinilai zaman lalu kita, cukuplah kita faham.. Biarlah rasa ‘Izzah itu tumbuh subur tanpa disekat-sekat lagi… biar terasa benar-benar dalam hatimu; aku bangga dengan ad-Deen ini! Kitalah rijal-rijal yg mulai hari ini akan berdiri untuk Islam tanpa segan silu & tanpa menoleh ke belakang lagi & moga kita istiqamah di jalanNya. InsyaAllah!

Kebenaran yang ditekan tetap menjalar


Aku tiba-tiba tersentak dari lamunan
Aku tiba-tiba tersedar dari igauan masa silam
Kadang-kadang cuba berdalih dari kewajiban
Kadang-kadang sengaja ingin hidup dalam kelam

Tapi hari ini sang mentari menyinar terang
Tampak sang pelangi melambai riang
Terima Kasih Yang Maha Penyayang
Kerana kini, aku sudah yakin untuk tegar berjuang!

Created at a whim by: Arifah Abd. Rahim
With the grace of the Almighty, I truly am happy. =)

Saturday, September 06, 2008

Ramadhan; The best of months



It is the time of the year again. When every good we do is rewarded double, triple, quadruple (I can go on like forever..) the amount. When the doors of hell are locked, the devils given uniform in stripes and put behind bars, the kingdom of heavens are opened and the endless mercy of the Almighty is upon us.

How are you doing right now? How is your Iman? How much are your Amal? How high is your repentance? How much have you forgiven those around you? How many blessings that you've received you've counted? How many heaps of love have you spread?

[2:183] O ye who believe! Fasting is prescribed to you as it was prescribed to those before you that ye may (learn) self-restrain.

I do not know about other people, but I do know that this year's Ramadhan is the most special of all the Ramadhans I have gone through before. Because it came with a feeling of sincere believe and a reawakened mind of my real purpose in life.

There was a time when I was the kind of person that enjoyed movie marathons until the wee hours of the morning, that disregard any form of religious affiliations; Islamic or otherwise, that have taken pleasure in showing of my body, that have specifically ignored the lines given by Islam in the contiguity of a male and a female, that have neglected every bit of guidance Allah gave me.

There was a time when worldly admiration was what I aimed, where narcissistic ambitions became predominant above all others, where the feelings of the people that I love I purposely overlooked because of selfish reasons, where everything and everyone were blamed due to my own insufficiency.

And then.. something happened. The true understanding of Islam shook the very core of my perceptions. My life took a 180 degree turn. Everything became meaningful again.

And I wanted so much to share it with those I really cared about. I wanted to share it with my parents, I wanted to share it with my siblings, I wanted to share it with my cousins, aunties and uncles, I wanted to share it with all my friends. Every one of them. I tried, in my own way, I really did try. But somehow, somewhere along the way, my steps faltered.

[15:94] Therefore expound openly what thou art commanded, and turn away from those who join false gods with Allah.

Now, it has dawned on me that patience, sincerity and perseverance is the key. That the journey is going to be long and full of trials, tribulations, challenges. That some will totally ignore, some will resist at first and then only relent, and if I'm lucky some with unquestioningly accept.

[2:155-177] Be sure We shall test you with something of fear and hunger, some loss in goods, lives, and the fruits of your toil. But give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere. Those who say, when afflicted with calamity, 'To Allah we belong, and to Him is our return.' They are those on whom descend blessings from their Lord, and mercy. They are the ones who receive guidance.

I have come to embrace the fact that my life will not be like others. That my ambitions cannot be of this life only. That what I do will sometime be incomprehensible to those who do not see what I believe in the same light as I do. That a lot have to be sacrificed for the truth that I claim I carry.

[29:64] What is the life of this world but amusement and play? But verily the Home in the Hereafter that is life indeed if they but knew.

But sometimes it can be so very hard, in can get so very frustrating and often more than not my spirits stumbles and my soul staggers. For I am but an ordinary human being. Do not let the weakness of the messenger restrain you from the truth of the message.

[94:5-6] Verily, with every difficulty there is relief.
Verily, with every difficulty there is relief.

I have been wanting to write about this for quite sometime now. But I was not brave enough to do so. Brave enough to accept the consequences of fabricating thoughts into solid facts on 'paper'. I believe we should always be responsible with what we write because what we write is what we think and thoughts becomes actions. And every action has it effects on everything.



Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Hidayah Itu

Ya Allah, Ya Tuhanku
HambaMu merindukan
Rahmat kasih sayangMu
Dan jua keredhaanMu
Dalam hidupku

Meskipun ku ulangi dosa noda
Yang menjanjikan azab sengsara
Namun ku sedari
KeampunanMu tidak bertepi

Ku akui diri ini
Hamba yang mungkir pada janji-janji
Jadikanlah taubat ini yang sejati
PadaMu Ilahi

Ya Allah, ampunkanlah dosa-dosaku
Ya Allah, redhakanlah kehidupanku
Moga terhapus penghijab kalbu
Antara Kau dan aku

Tuhan,
Ku zalimi diri ini
Andai Kau tak ampuni dan rahmati
Alangkah ruginya diri

Tuhan,
Jangan Kau palingkan hati ini
Setelah Kau beri hidayah
Sesungguhnya Kau Maha Pengasih

Monday, August 25, 2008

A Mother Is...

The DENTIST who uses a string.

The SUNSHINE on a cloudy day.

The STORY TELLER when you can't get to sleep.

The DOCTOR who cures poison ivy.

The TEACHER who teaches about life.

The SEAMSTRESS who patches torn jeans.

The COMEDIAN who makes you laughs when you're down.

The CHEERLEADER at all sports activities.

The NURSE who bandages a scraped knee.

The ARTIST who teaches finger painting.

The LAUNDRY LADY who keeps you dressed so nice.

The BAKER who makes chocolate chip cookies.

The TUTOR who helps with homework.

The COUNSELOR who gives guidance.

The CLEANING LADY who finds the bedroom floor.

The TOOTH FAIRY who rewards you for your pain.

The HEALER of your first broken heart.

The DISHWASHER who never complains.

The SELF-ESTEEM BUILDER for everyone.

The COOK who keeps the meals balanced.

The DREAM CATCHER who helps find dreams.

The KLEENEX that dries the tears.

The KEY that unlocks the door to the future.

The JUDGE who makes decisions with wisdom.

The SINGER who taught childhood songs.

The LIGHT that guides through dark moments.

The EGO BUILDER, picking you up when you're down.

The DRUGGIST who knows the cure for your pain.

The PRAYING HANDS that guide spiritually.

The GUARDIAN ANGEL who keeps you safe.

The FRIEND who puts real meaning into "I Love You"!

And the paradise is under the feet of your mothers
- Prophet Muhammad (saw)

Orange!

Rasa macam banyak pusing-pusing je sekarang. Tapi tak kisah lah. Yang penting saya bahagia. Macam malas nak fikir sangat situasi sekarang. Tapi fikir-fikir balik, rasanya biar je kut apa yang nak jadi. Eh, tapi memang lah kena usaha. Cuma tak perlu risau sangat je kut. Sebab yang terbaik dah Allah tetapkan. Wheeee~

Hehhe. Sorry. My life is full of distractions lately. I guess it's part and parcel of being a grown-up, or trying to be one! =P

Can you be surrounded by so many people yet still feel so lonely?


Monday, August 18, 2008

Life is like coffee

A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university lecturer. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life. Offering his guests coffee, the lecturer went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups: porcelain, plastic, glass, some plain-looking and some expensive and exquisite, telling them to help themselves to hot coffee.

When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the lecturer said: "If you noticed, all the nice-looking, expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones.

"While it is but normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress".

What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the better cups and are eyeing each other's cups." "Now, if Life is coffee, then the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, but the quality of Life doesn't change."

Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee in it." So don't let the cups drive you...enjoy the coffee instead.

"So do not become weak (against your enemy), nor be sad, and you will be superior (in victory) if you are indeed (true) believers"
Al-'Imran 3:139

(Taken from ReSeam_Padi)

Friday, August 15, 2008

Being Strong

I miss someone. I hope you miss me too.
(mesti semua orang akan perasan! =P)


Thursday, August 14, 2008

Random thoughts

Iman tak dapat diwarisi dari seorang ayah yang bertakwa.

Contrary to what most people want to believe, outside influences do not usually determine personal happiness. What matters is how we react to those influences, good or bad.

Wahai, manusia, kita harus sabar mentaatiNya, kita harus sabar meninggalkan laranganNya.

Dalam persahabatanmu janganlah mengkhianati sahabatmu yang sejati.

Setting the example is very important. You can't expect from others what you're not willing to expect from yourself.

Tuhan dulu pernah aku menagih simpati kepada manusia yang alpa jua buta, lalu terheretlah aku di lorong gelisah, luka hati yang berdarah, kini jadi kian parah.

Tak ingin lagi ku ulangi kembali, gerak dosa yang menghiris hati.

Tuhan, dosaku menggunung tinggi, tapi rahmatMu melangit luas, harga selautan syukurku hanyalah setitis nikmatMu di bumi.

Tuhan, walau taubat sering ku ungkit, namun pengampunanMu tak pernah bertepi. Bila selangkah ku rapat padaMu, seribu langkah Kau rapat padaku.

For now, I am content. Alhamdulillah.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Dunia hari ini

What is happening to the world today?

Palestin...

Pakistan...

Afghanistan...

Kashmir...

Wars. Death. Innocent lives. Muslim lives.

I thought it was fundamentally a fight between truth and falsehood.

Perhaps it is.

But then, suddenly, there is South-Ossetia in Georgia. A small country now stuck in the middle of the battle between giants. A country where up until now Islam has only historically and officially stepped maybe half a foot (or less: just a toe I can say) in. A country that has suddenly become famous again in a night because a bomb was dropped in its territory about a week ago that also killed innocent lives. A war is raging.

To tell the whole story about Ossetia would take forever. And furthermore, I don't know the whole story, yet. Hehhe. Anyway, to make the issue simple but understandable, Ossetia was once a state on its own under the sovereignty of the Soviet Union (SU) which is reduced to what is now Russia. However, during the collapse of the SU power, Ossetia was divided into North Ossetia to be under Russia and South Ossetia became a part of Georgia.


In the early 1990s, South Ossetia declared its independence from Georgia but it was internationally unrecognized. In 2006, they made a second independence referendum which was again internationally unrecognized. Finally, an autonomous status was given to them by the Georgian government in 2007.

I guess an autonomous status was not enough. South Ossetia wanted to be a country on its own.

"Tensions came to a head with Kosovo’s declaration of independence and the push to offer Georgia a membership action plan and eventual inclusion into NATO. Russia immediately began throwing its weight around in both South Ossetia and another breakaway province, Abkhazia. It appears that Russia is now making its play." (click on this paragraph to read about this issue)

That was when, Georgia started being hostile. On August 8, 2008, on the same day as the 2008 Olympic Games officially commenced, hostilities began between Georgian forces and South Ossetia's separatist forces. And that was when Russia started showing it fangs trying to regain its status as one of the worlds super power again. While the Unites States is fighting back to maintain its status as the current world super power through its ally, Georgia. Boleh nampak tak situasi sebenarnya, perang antara siapakah ini? Essentially NOT a fight between Georgia and South Ossetia only.

Right, I hope you guys can understand what I just babbled about. If you don't then you can either google it or go read the newspaper or if you're too lazy, open tv3.com.my and listen to the 8 o'clock buletin utama. =P

Now we can go to my point exactly. Muslim countries have been straddled in wars since the past century between their own forces but mostly due to the engagement and attack of the west. Usually there is oil and political influence involved, not because of peace treaty aspirations per say. The media, however, will throw a whole lot of crap about Islam being a terrorist and oppressive religion.

Thus, when we focus into what is happening in South-Ossetia we can see that when power and worldly prestige becomes the centre of attention, civilians become the victims. And the lives of human beings become only numbers in death statistics. So, who then is the real oppressor?

Ok, my brain is now in catastrophe! Huhhu. When it comes to voicing out my opinion on strong matters I tend to often stumble midway. My humble apologies to those who are reading this.

Saya cuma ingin kamu tahu bahawa hati saya inginkan Islam yang sebenar kembali menakluk dunia. Ketika hati-hati manusia bertaut atas aqidah yang satu, maka kasih sayang itu akan datang dengan ikhlas kerana Tuhan yang satu. And all those stupid stupid wars will become history.

When will that time come?

Only Allah knows.

But have we done our part in defending and propagating the truth?

Ketuk hati, buka minda dan tanyalah iman anda.

Shift your paradigm and change your life now!

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Sekadar ingin difahami

Kadang-kadang bila kita cerita dekat orang, orang tak faham.

Tapi kita tahu, Allah faham, Allah mengerti, Allah tahu segala isi hati.

Thank you for being there Allah. =)


Friday, August 08, 2008

08.08.08

Tarikh keramat kata orang. Ramai yang bernikah pada hari ini. Termasuklah bekas ketua pelajar, Sekolah Tun Fatimah tahun 2003, sahabat yang dikasihi, Nurhidayah Jaris. (boleh click di sini)

Yang kedua dalam batch kini sudah menjadi isteri orang. Tahniah Dayot! “Semoga Allah membarakahi kalian dan melimpahkan barakah kepada kalian, dan mengumpulkan kalian dalam kebaikan, serta mengurniakan kalian zuriat yang memberi manfaat kepada Islam dan muslimin keseluruhannya” Amin.

Semakin ramai rakan-rakan saya yang sudah atau sedang melangkah masuk ke alam perkahwinan. Generasi sebelum-sebelum ini mungkin kurang menyokong keputusan berkahwin muda yang saya lihat semakin menular di kalangan generasi techno (generasi saya) sekarang. Tapi saya kira perkara ini lah yang harus digalakkan untuk sama-sama menjaga kemaslahatan ummah keseluruhannya. Untuk sama-sama menjaga dosa pahala kita semua supaya kita yang melihat tidak terlibat sama kerana tidak membantu mengurangkan jalan ke arah kemaksiatan yang berlaku akibat proses pernikahan yang disusahkan dan dicomplicatedkan oleh manusia sendiri.

Ya, sudah tentu mereka yang sudah nekad mengenai tindakan penting ini harus faham tanggungjawab yang perlu dipikul setalah akad dilafazkan. Memang berat, amat berat. And it should be hammered into their heads I believe! Tetapi saya juga percaya, jika ibu bapa dan anak-anak ini sama-sama berbincang secara terbuka dan memperbetulkan niat untuk apa sebenarnya ikatan tersebut perlu dihalalkan, maka InsyaAllah tidak perlu ada kerisauan melampau (sikit-sikit tu normal kut) mengenai kehidupan selepas berkahwin. For Allah is the best of Helpers.

It is often perceived by parents that their children will forever be their children. But life is real and for that we must be realistic. Realistic in the sense that we have to acknowledge the fact that those who are once young and naive can become more competent than we were. And life is also what is fated by Allah. Thus, for that we must put our trust only in Allah that He will Provide for us in whatever ways He deems best.

Kadang-kadang kita rasa seseorang itu perlu ada kerja glamour, kerja tetap dan gaji besar sebelum kita label dia sebagai "mampu". Tapi mampu yang Rasulullah sendiri maksudkan adalah mampu untuk mencari nafkah BUKAN kerja glamour. Nah, jika nyawa masih di dada, jika tenaga masih mengalir di dalam tubuh, jika semangat dan keinginan yang kuat untuk berjaya dan menjayakan Islam masih tetap utuh, itulah sebenarnya mampu yang sudah cukup untuk kita mula bertatih. Rezeki seseorang itu sudah ditetapkan sebelum ia lahir ke dunia, maka, untuk apa dirisaukan perkara yang sudah ditetapkan? Lebih baik kerisauan itu diarahkan kepada perkara kebaikan dan kebajikan yang masih banyak perlu dilangsaikan, lebih baik dirisaukan bagaimana mahu memenangkan Islam.

Haih. Entah apa-apa sudah saya bebelkan ni. Maaf jika ada yang tersinggung. Sekadar melepaskan rasa hati dan buah fikiran yang semakin berbuku di dalam diri. Mungkin kita perlu lihat kembali hadith Rasulullah dan ayat Kalamullah ini:

Bila seseorang lelaki yang kamu ridhai agama dan akhlaknya meminang(anak perempuanmu), nikahkanlah dia. Apabila engkau tidak menikahkannya, niscaya akan terjadi fitnah di muka bumi dan kerusakan yang meluas.
(Hadith Riwayat Tirmidzi)


“Dan di antara tanda-tanda kekuasaan-Nya ialah Dia telah menciptakan untuk kamu isteri-isteri dari jenis kamu sendiri supaya kamu cenderung dan merasa tenteram kepada mereka dan Allah jadikan di antara kamu perasaan mesra dan kasih sayang.” (Ar-Rum:21)

Sekadar renungan bersama. Semoga kita tidak termasuk golongan yang menyusahkan perkara yang dimudahkan Allah. Wallahualam.